How Expat Partners Are Quietly Shaping Communities

REFRAMING THE NARRATIVE
There is no denying that many expat partners face significant psychological and emotional hurdles when they give up their careers, ambitions, or networks to support their partner’s job abroad. There’s even a term for it: “The Trailing Spouse”— a clinical-sounding label that refers to the loss of identity, low self-esteem, loss of professional identity, opportunity and development, and occasional existential crises that many accompanying partners experience. As these partners step into new, unfamiliar roles—household managers, primary caregivers, or the “plus-one” at corporate events—their sense of self can take a hit. 
It is a story and feeling that I am intimately familiar with. Many spouses like myself have taken the plunge into the unknown, only to face isolation, stalled careers, and a general sense of being sidelined. It sounds small but it is not a minor issue. And yet, are we doing anything to shift the needle? 

BEYOND SUPPORT: TRAILBLAZERS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT
Yes, there are real challenges to being an expat partner. But it’s time to dig deeper and re- focus. Expat partners may have taken on an initial supporting role to accommodate an international relocation for the couple. But no one is “trailing” anyone. The idea is not to ignore the challenges expat partners face, but to expand the narrative to acknowledge their potential and agency. We tend to see globally mobile partners as dependent, non-resourceful, drifting, or perhaps simply don’t see them at all.  But if we could change our perspective to recognise them as resourceful, adaptable, community-builders, it would open a space. Think about it: expat partners are often highly skilled professionals in their own right, with deep expertise, global perspectives, and a willingness to adapt. Many have navigated successful careers before uprooting their lives. The Permits Foundation’s newest numbers, collected from 730 spouses and partners of highly-skilled international employees, representing 67 nationalities, show that 88% of respondents held a bachelor’s degree or higher. Over half of respondents held a master’s degree or postgraduate diploma. 90% were employed prior to relocation. 

These partners bring with them soft skills honed in the delicate balance of personal relationships, the flexibility of moving across borders, and the cultural dexterity that allows them to thrive in international settings. They are the ones solving real-world challenges on the ground every day—figuring out how to run a household in a new country, finding community when one doesn’t naturally exist, and managing the emotional load of moving halfway around the world. While the loss of professional identity is a reality for many, so is their potential and adaptability. 
What if we began to recognise their potential more fully? Instead of relegating them to a background role in their partner’s career story, we should tap into the wealth of skills, resilience, and perspectives they offer. It is time to change how we define this group of people from trailing to leading. It is time to moving beyond seeing expat partners as passive, figures and recognise them as active contributors within their communities.

UNLOCKING STAVANGER'S UNTAPPED RESOURCE 
Seeing the partner as a secondary player limits not just the individual, but the broader community as well. Expat partners are often natural connectors. They’re the ones building networks from scratch, plugging into local schools, community groups, and cross-cultural spaces with a fierce determination to make life work. They’re navigating unfamiliar healthcare systems, language barriers, and local customs—all while trying to make new friends and find meaningful work. If that’s not adaptability, then what is? In many cases, expat partners become the glue that holds international communities together. They volunteer, organise events, lead support groups, and assist others in making the difficult transition to a new culture. These are the people who, if given the opportunity, can turn their skills and resilience into real community leadership. While expat partners are undoubtedly a valuable resource within international communities, it’s important to recognise that their contributions extend beyond just the expat bubble. They bring a unique set of skills—cultural fluency, resilience, and a capacity for bridging gaps— that can benefit society as a whole. We don’t need a major narrative change to recognise expat partners as a resource in the expat community—they already are. We can aim far more broadly than that - this is a group that is a resource for society. So why aren’t we doing more to reap the benefits of their adaptability and resourcefulness? What if companies and society invested in programs to help expat partners find local work or build businesses? What if we provided tangible resources—networks, training, job placement —that recognised the value they bring? Potentially we could start a ripple effect of positive change across the community. 

FROM TRAILING TO LEADING 
International partners are not just following—they are leading. Trailblazing new paths in a world that needs their unique strengths now more than ever. They are living, breathing examples of resilience and resourcefulness. Their stories don’t end with isolation or lost opportunities; they have the potential to lead, connect, and contribute in ways that many communities desperately need. It is time to change the conversation, shifting from a narrative of what is lost to what can be gained, not just for the individual but for the entire community.

Written together with Tone Indrelid, Program manager (Rogaland) @Sammen om en jobb 

// Nicola