A Psychologist’s Toolkit for December

But here’s the thing: You don’t have to get Christmas “right”. In fact, you can’t. The version sold to us—glossy, harmonious, and endlessly joyful—isn’t real. What is real is this: the stress, the joy, the grief, the connection, and the occasional burnt turkey. If you’ve found yourself dreading the family WhatsApp thread, avoiding your credit card statements, or just questioning how many mince pies is too many mince pies, this survival guide is for you.

Let Go of Perfection
First things first—let go of the idea of a perfect Christmas. We’re bombarded with images of smiling families, immaculate decorations, and joy on tap. The reality? Christmas is messy, emotional, and imperfect for most of us. By letting go of the “shoulds” (what it should look like, feel like, or be like), you give yourself permission to embrace what it is. Christmas is messy for everyone. By dropping the expectation of perfection, you give yourself room to embrace what’s real. Christmas isn’t a singular experience—it’s a collage of moments. Some light us up; others make us wince. Both are valid.

Ready, Set, Regress
Ever noticed how a trip to your childhood home transforms you into your 13-year-old self? Christmas has a way of transporting us back in time and as we arrive home those old family dynamics have a way of pulling us back into old roles and patterns. That sibling rivalry? Still there. That passive-aggressive comment from a parent? Still cuts deep.

What to do:

• Anchor yourself in your adult self. Stand tall, breathe deeply, and speak with the voice of the adult you’ve become—not the teenager you were.
• Reflect: What parts of your identity are yours versus what’s inherited. What parts of your identity feel chosen? Which ones are relics of the past?
• Spot the Signs You Need to Rest
• December tends to ask us to do more, just when our bodies are urging us to do less. our body has a way of letting you know when enough is enough. Pay attention to the signs that your nervous system is calling for a break:
• Tight jaw or shoulders
• Fatigue, even after rest
• Irritability or difficulty focusing
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Frequent colds or tension headaches
• What to do:
• Slow down. Winter is a natural time for rest and reflection. Be more “bear”—hibernate when you need to.
• Schedule downtime. A nap, a walk, or even five minutes of quiet can work wonders.
• Be more bear. Channel your inner hibernation mode—slow down, rest, and embrace simplicity.
• Meaning in the Mess

At its core, Christmas invites us to connect with meaning. Amidst the chaos, it’s the small, quiet moments that often feel the most meaningful—a warm hug that you’ve not had all year, a kind word shared over the dinner table, a shared laugh when things go wrong, and understood, and for me in words carefully chosen and shared in cards (there is no warmth quite like it). These are the moments that stay with us—not because they’re perfect, but because they’re real. The truth is that Christmas isn’t about getting it “right”- it’s about being present for the moments that matter, no matter how small.

Questions to explore:

• What truly lights you up during the season?
• Who or what makes you feel most connected to yourself?
• How can you create moments of connection, for yourself or others?
• Navigating Grief

For many, Christmas amplifies loss. Whether it’s the absence of a loved one or a longing for times that can’t return, grief tends to linger at the edges of this season.

What to do:

• Let yourself feel it. Raise a glass to absent loved ones, write them a letter, or take a quiet moment to remember.
• Give yourself permission to dwell in those bittersweet emotions.
• Manage Expectations
• Time with family can be messy. People argue, turkeys dry out, and values clash. Christmas often comes with an expectation of harmony, especially with family. But the reality is often more complicated.

What to do:

• Check in with your expectations and ask yourself whether they are grounded in hope or reality.
• Practice radical acceptance: Acknowledge that things might not go perfectly, and that’s okay.
• Set realistic boundaries. If you’re visiting someone, let them know when you’re leaving. If you’re hosting, take breaks—yes, even during the party.
• Mindful Spending

The festive season loves to convince us that joy comes wrapped in expensive paper. But overspending can lead to financial stress that lingers well into the new year. Resist the urge to keep up with others’ spending habits.

• What to do:
• Set a budget and stick to it. Handmade gifts or shared experiences often mean more than expensive items.
• Avoid the comparison trap. Unfollow accounts that make you feel “less than.”
• A Final Note

Christmas doesn’t have to be all grace, goodwill, and light. Sometimes, just getting through it is enough. And when you stumble upon those rare, soul-touching moments of connection and joy savor them. They are the light in the dark, and they will carry you through.